This week has been a very productive week. I’m finally back on track after two weeks of fail due to laziness and illness, and I feel really good about my progress.

I’m only down one pound this week so far, but I managed to get in 3 workouts this week. Tuesday, I spent 20 minutes on the exercise bike. Wednesday, I spent 35 minutes on the exercise bike. Yesterday, I spent 38 muscle-searing minutes on the exercise bike. You know you’ve had a good workout when you can hardly walk when you stop. Yeowch. I’m still a little sore today, but I’m working three nights in a row starting tonight, so I’ve got a few days to recover.

I’ve also done pretty well keeping my calorie count under control. It’s not always easy, but I’ve gotten better at not sneaking that one last snack in right before bed (which is usually what puts me over my calorie goal). So, it’s still a work in progress, but I’m looking over my problem areas and trying to fix them as much as I can.

Besides the obvious exercise, I’ve made an effort to be more active in general. The weather has been most cooperative, so we’ve made it to the park a couple times this week, and we did end up doing some walking while we were there. I did a bunch of cleaning, namely cleaning out Aurora’s room (it took me a couple of hours, and I did work up a sweat) and catching up on laundry. I definitely have more energy now that I’m back on track (and I suppose not having the flu probably has something to do with it as well), and I’d like to keep it that way.

Once it gets consistently warmer and I have the extra scratch, I’m going to get a bike, and a bike rack for my car. Greg has a bike and a bike trailer similar to this, so we’ll be able to go on family bike rides together. I’m looking forward to being more active this spring and summer. Maybe we’ll even go hiking! It will be nice to not be huffing and puffing everywhere we go. Yet another good reason to get in better shape.

The week started off on a good note, where I left off on my last blog. I went back to the gym finally, and regained some control after hitting the skids for a minute, and was ready to take getting serious at the gym again head-on. I was ready to hit the exercise bike full-force. Nothing could stop me. NOTHING.

…except a particularly virulent strain of influenza that started out innocuously enough on Tuesday, when I had a slightly sore throat.

I began Wednesday with a coughing fit of epic proportions. If Keith Richards and I had a coughing duel, I very well could have won that day. After hacking like someone who had been smoking since they were five, I felt slightly better in that my airway was cleared of the sputum that had accumulated overnight, but it was only a temporary respite. Thus began my fantastic voyage to becoming a whimpering invalid for the next 36 hours.

I spent much of that time in a fevered dream, alternating between taking generic Dayquil, sleeping, and wishing for the sweet release of death. I wanted to go gently into that good night, and I felt very much like I could breathe my last at any moment. My temperature reached 102.9 at one point, which scared the bajeezus out of me, because I feared I would end up having to go to the hospital. My muscles ached like I’d been on the Nautilus machine, my teeth chattered, my head pounded, my ears throbbed, and oh god, the coughing. I was - quite literally - a  hot mess. Thankfully that phase of my illness was relatively short-lived.

Slowly but surely, I regained my strength, and my temperature returned to normal. I was, however, still weakened by the havoc that the virus had wreaked on my body, so I was still unable to work out at the gym. In addition to my own illness - and just as I was recovering - Greg and Aurora both came down with it too, so time that would have been better spent lying around in a torpor was spent tending to their needs (not that I minded; but I was still not feeling well). I ended up having to miss a night of work, but returned Saturday night. Having worked last night, I’m pretty exhausted, and will probably not be going to the gym today, but I have plans to go tomorrow.

In short, another week blown, but at least this time I know it was by no fault of my own. Despite how sick I was, I vigilantly tracked my calories and stayed within the limits I’ve set for myself. I somehow gained one pound to land back at 235 pounds, but I’ll just attribute that to fluid shifts and whatnot. I actually feel lighter, and my clothes feel looser, so I don’t feel totally terrible about one pound. And while I was coherent enough to Google it, I found out that fevers do increase your metabolism significantly, so I’m sure I burned some fat off by just writhing in agony in bed. Surely going back to the gym will help cajole my metabolism into kicking it up a notch, which is infinitely preferable to burning calories off during a fever. Exercise bike, meet your doom.

I have a confession to make: I fell off the wagon last week. Hard.

I had a horrible night at work last Sunday night, and while I can usually find ways to cope with the anxiety and stress that comes along with my job, I just didn’t have it in me that night. I ended up leaving work at 9 a.m. (which almost never happens), and for one reason or another, I ended up staying awake through lunchtime, and we went to Red Robin to eat lunch. Strike one. Although I did end up staying within my allotted calories for the day, I crashed around 2 p.m., and didn’t wake up until 4 a.m. the next day, so I wasn’t burning as many calories as I could have been. More than anything, I felt kind of bad about drowning my sorrows in a cheeseburger. A juicy, succulent, delicious cheeseburger to be sure, but I digress.

Tuesday was Valentine’s Day, which I had mentally set aside to be a “cheat” day, where I can eat pretty much whatever the hell I want. The plan was to just eat a fattening dinner with some homemade treats for desert (and eat sensibly the rest of the day), but that plan went awry early in the day. I woke up craving French toast like you wouldn’t believe, and when I told Greg of my dreams of IHOP, he was all for it. Well, I told myself, yesterday wasn’t that bad, and it’s Valentine’s Day. So off we went to the Casa de Flapjacks for breakfast. I had the French toast with the cinnamon roll filling. It was amazing, and also laden with fat and calories. Still, I pressed on with my plan to have Chicken Tikka Masala for dinner (which has heavy cream in it), with sweets for desert.

So, for dinner, I had the Chicken Tikka Masala, but I also made chocolate covered pretzels with M & M’s on top. Damn you Pinterest and your terrible, fattening recipes. Damn you to hell.

The problem wasn’t that I made these delectable morsels of salty and sweet heaven; the problem was that I made so damn many of them. And at around 35 calories each, it didn’t take long for the calories to rack up.

Greg and I (but mostly me, I’ll admit) ate the chocolate pretzels over the next couple days with absolute reckless abandon. At this point, I had quit counting my calories, and kept finding my way to those little bites of diet damnation over and over and over again, until they were all gone. Once they were gone, I was hit with deep regret and shame. How could I have done so well for the last few weeks, then let myself be swept away by a velvety river of chocolate and pretzels (and M & M’s)? Of course, there were still some M & M’s left, and far be it for me to leave them sitting in the pantry, alone and unloved. So of course, I took what was left of the jumbo bag of them to bed with me Wednesday night, and ate every last one.

Thursday I felt like utter shit. Here I had spent three whole days letting a little emotional eating turn into a full-on binge, and I didn’t even go work out to help offset it a little bit. Although I ate much, much better on Thursday, I still didn’t track my calories, and I had a massive migraine, so I didn’t much feel like working out. I didn’t dare get on the scale to weigh myself, lest I be so distraught over my assured weight gain that I seek solace in the arms of whatever Hershey’s Kisses were left (thankfully Greg eliminated that temptation for me). Friday I also didn’t track my calories, but was getting more on track. By that time, however, it was time for work again, and I didn’t have time to go to the gym. I knew it would be at least Tuesday before I could make it again. So, in total, I had screwed up pretty much an entire week. Sigh.

Despite all that, Saturday I started my calorie counting again, and stayed on track through the weekend and Monday. I did go to the gym for the first time in a week and a half this morning, and did 20 minutes on the exercise bike. We met up with my family back home and had Mexican food, but I’d only had a Slim Fast for breakfast, and will have a very light dinner, so it will balance out. That was my “cheat” meal for the week, so back on track for the rest of the week.

I’m over feeling bad about last week. It happens, it’s probably going to happen again. I just have to catch myself when I give into emotional eating, before it’s too late and I’ve gone beyond binge-eating and just lapsed back into bad habits. It’s okay to occasionally screw up and not be totally perfect all of the time, because no one is perfect. I’m just really glad I was able to keep myself from totally giving up on my weight loss goals.

Despite all of the massive fails of last week, I did manage to lose one pound. I weighed 234 this morning, for a total weight loss of 16 pounds. Woo hoo! Take that, chocolatey pretzels!

I am now one month into my fitness, wellness and weight-loss journey.

I began the month by cutting out fast food and cafeteria food, and cutting down my soda intake. I’ve ended the month by tracking my calories, and exercising on the regular.

I began January weighing 250 pounds. I ended January weighing 239 pounds, for a total weight loss of 11 pounds! I’ve met and exceeded my first goal: getting down the weight I was when I graduated nursing school. Onto the next goal: 220, or the approximate weight I was before I got pregnant.

In non-numerical terms, I just feel better. Every time that I go to the gym to workout, I feel that much more motivated to continue, and to not occupy the couch every minute of the day when I’m home. I wake up looking forward to my next workout. I’ve noticed that my mood has improved greatly. I have more energy, more confidence. I’ve begun coming out of my shell at work a little more, which is huge for me. The benefits of losing weight and getting into better shape reach far beyond the number on the scale or in my waistband, which is the way it should be.

As I shed each pound, I feel like a (metaphorical) weight has been lifted; those pounds that were gained because of depression, stress, anxiety, or just plain lapsing back into terrible habits are slowly disappearing. In a way, it’s a very cleansing experience; to not have a physical, outward manifestation of what I’ve been through in the past, and to slowly wipe the slate clean. I feel better than I have in quite a long time, and I’m glad I finally found the motivation to start taking better care of myself. I know that the road ahead will be beset with challenges and obstacles; it would be naive of me to believe otherwise. However, I believe that I’m equipped with the means to deal with those obstacles, and move past them. I can do this.

Yesterday, Greg and I finally signed up for a gym membership at Leisure World.

When we first walked in the door (with Aurora in tow, of course), we were greeted by a fellow that bore a striking resemblance to one of my high school gym teachers, Mr. Bowers (who was the only one that I liked, by the way). We asked for a tour, as we were not totally decided on whether or not to join this particular gym, or join elsewhere.

One of the attributes I like most about this gym is that it doesn’t have a huge window where anyone can see in and watch its patrons look like dorks on the treadmill or the elliptical. There is a Club Fitness right next to Schnuck’s here in Collinsville that has just that, which pretty quickly eliminated it as an option. Another thing I really like about Leisure World is that they have an olympic-size swimming pool, and they have family hours, which means we can take Aurora swimming there. They also have a babysitting service during certain hours, so Greg and I could go together if we wanted to, and it’s only $.50 for 1 1/2 hours, which is awesome (not that I think we’d be working out that long, but it’s still nice). There are several different classes as well (most importantly, yoga, which I’m wanting to get into once I lose some of my weight), which are free with membership. Best of all, they have tons of treadmills, elliptical machines, and stationery bikes, most of which are equipped with individual TV screens, and iPod docks, so you can charge your iPod while you work out! Some of the reviews that I had read online about the gym were less than glowing (I noted several complaints about a lack of cleanliness), but from what I’ve seen, the gym is pretty clean.

Today was my first day actually working out in a looooooong time, and I sure felt it. I spent about fifteen minutes on the treadmill at a pace of 3.5 miles an hour before my left ankle started hurting, so I switched to an exercise bike for about five minutes, then to an elliptical for another five minutes. I found that I don’t care much for the exercise bike. I couldn’t figure out how to increase the resistance in the pedals and my butt kept sliding forward on the seat no matter how I adjusted it, so I quickly gave that up for the elliptical, which has been my favorite in the past. Five minutes was all I could take. I forgot just how hard the elliptical is. My thighs started burning almost immediately; I had forgotten how good that burn feels, but my endurance is pathetically low at this point. I’m going to take the day off tomorrow, but plan on going back Friday. I’m going to take it slow at the beginning.

My first time at the gym was definitely a humbling experience; it made me confront just how out-of-shape and unconditioned I am from several years of neglecting my personal fitness. But, as the saying goes, every journey begins with a single step. It will get easier, and I’ll be able to work out longer and harder, and I’ll feel a lot better.

As I promised earlier, here are my current stats:

Height: 5’3”

Weight: 244 pounds (as of this morning)

Pant size: 22W

Shirt size: XXL

I haven’t gotten around to measuring my waist, hips, thighs, arms, etc. yet, but I plan on doing so sometime this week.

My long-term goal is to get down to 150 pounds and into a size 13, which is right around where I was when I got married almost 8 years ago. Ideally, I’d like to get down to a healthier 130 pounds, but I’m trying to be realistic, and I can cross that bridge when I get there. I realize that’s an onerous task, so I’m breaking up the big goal into several smaller goals.

My first goal is to get down to 240, which is where I was when I graduated nursing school almost 4 years ago (has it really been that long?). My next goal is to get to 220, which is how much I weighed before I got pregnant 2 years ago. After that, I imagine I’ll just break it down into 10 pound increments, until I can get to my ultimate goal of 150 (or even 130, if I can get there). It’s going to be a long road, but I’ve got to start somewhere.

In my quest to lose weight and be healthier, I’ve been looking at and trying new recipes that I’ve found from various sources (mostly Pinterest). A couple recipes that I’ve made and thought were good:

Spicy Bean and Guacamole Burritos

Very easy to make, and very good. I made my own guacamole, but I’m sure one could substitute store-bought guacamole if they didn’t feel like going to the trouble. I may or may not have had more than 3 tablespoons of guacamole between the two burritos. I could seriously eat this for lunch every day. Definitely a tasty and healthy alternative to the slop that the cafeteria at work serves.

Spicy Thai Coconut Chicken Soup

This soup also turned out very well. As flavorful as it is with the curry paste and lemongrass, I hardly noticed the difference in taste between regular coconut milk, and the light coconut milk that I used in the recipe. Even Greg liked it, and he’s often hard to please when it comes to eating healthier recipes. A++, would eat again.